I'm the Needle, You're the North
by tinypixy
Summary: An insight into the short time that Killian spends alone in front of the diner and during their shared kiss with Emma, mostly from Killian's POV (please note that this is my perception of this scene and you may not agree with it)


After they had returned from their time travel, Emma had left him to find her family back at Granny's. Killian didn't want to interrupt that precious moment that belonged to Emma entirely but he still couldn't fight his inner desire to be close to her. He followed her shadow from a safe distance and when Emma entered the diner, he decided not to join the coronation. As he sat alone in front of the diner, he couldn't help but think about the Jolly Roger… He had lost her once before, but this time it was utterly different. He had purposely given her up, abandoned her, he thought, just the way he was abandoned centuries ago… But he had to do it, trading her for a magic bean was his only choice… While he had thought he would never see her again, the unforeseen sight of his beloved ship during their time travel with Emma had made his heart burst with joy. She'd been as beautiful as ever, he thought, though he hadn't much time to appreciate their shared moment of reunion, for Mr. Smee was quick with his duty to bring Snow White to the Captain's cabin; yet, he couldn't have stopped himself from gently running the tips of his fingers over the familiar wooden paneling, wearing a bittersweet smile on his lips. Killian remembered how his melancholic breath had left his nostrils heavily when he had reminded himself that he had to leave her again, soon and it had shattered his heart, his chest feeling as if a thousand blades perforated its cage that was supposed to keep the slow-pounding organ safe. She wasn't just a ship to him, as he once told Smee; she was home. She was everything he had, even long before Milah… or Emma. She was Liam's legacy to him and giving her up still felt like the great burden of betrayal, to both of them; Liam and the Jolly Roger. He was still hoping that somewhere Liam would approve of his little brother's actions, wherever his soul may rest now. Still, Killian couldn't shake the terrible sorrow inside of his chest and only when he took a sip out of his black flask, the dull pain radiating among his lungs slowly started to fade.

It wasn't until the door opened, that his thoughts got interrupted. As he looked up, he met Emma's warm gaze. Seeing the smile of victory on her face made him regain his confidence in the thought of him having done just the right thing. Sometimes the honorable path is the most painful, he reminded himself; it was a lesson his brother had taught him. Yes, this path had brought him some great pain by separating him from his home, and he agreed with Emma, a home was a home only when you miss it and hell, he missed the Jolly more than he had ever missed anything in this far world. But while this gold-haired woman sat next to him he realized just once more that he _could_ live without his ship but he couldn't surive another day without these emerald eyes looking at him. He had found a new home, this time, though, it wasn't a place - it was a soul; it was where his heart belonged. And though he was aware that the Jolly Roger was a ship made out of wood and steel, he hoped she understood; he hoped she forgave him when he decided to jump into that portal.

"So, do you think Rumpelstiltskin is right? I'm in the book now," Emma said which made him smile in empathy.

"He said everything besides our little adventure would go back to normal. Do you think that it is?"

Normal. Yes, everything was just the same as it was when they had left this time and place. Nothing had changed, he thought.

"He's right," Killian responded, "Otherwise I'd remember that damn bar wench I kissed." He raised a brow, wearing his flirty smirk on his face that covered the envy he still felt about his old self kissing the woman _he_ loved. If he could only remember… it would make things feel way less complicated for him, he thought.

"How would that proof anything?" Emma asked, which caused Killian's facial expression turn into something that challenged Emma's common sense. 'Well, isn't it obvious, love?' he whispered in his mind.

"I know how you kiss. I would've gone after her." Emma sighed to the confession, her eyes blinking shyly, before Killian went on.

"But I didn't, my life went on," he said, looking down at his flexing hand, "exactly the same as before." Killian forced himself to smile. 'Don't make her notice,' he warned himself. 'She doesn't want to know any of your regrets…' Stills of the times when he was a different, less honorable man flickered across his mind, times were revenge and the meaningless company of dozens of women was his only drive in his dark life. Looking back, he wasn't proud of his previous self. Just when he saw himself during the time travel, he realized how different that man was to the lieutenant he once used to be. No, he thought, Captain Hook didn't deserve his Swan. You had to earn her affection, proof yourself first. Nothing his previous self would've done for any woman, anyone but… Milah…

"Yeah, must've been the rum," Emma suggested, Killian nodding lightly.

"Everything's back to normal. You're a bloody hero, Swan."

"So are you." Both shared a smile, Emma flattered by Killian's compliment, Killian slightly amused about the thought of him being a 'hero'. 'If it wasn't for you…' he thought.

"I wanted to thank you, Killian." He looked up now, his face reflecting surprise, yet Emma's eyes, sincere and genuine, telling him that she meant it.

"For going back for me in the first place, in New York. If _you_ hadn't."

"It was the right thing to do." Back then, he didn't care about anyone in this town. Back then, all he wanted was to find Emma, as if he was the needle of a compass and she was his north. But things had changed and now she looked at him with this certain spark in her eyes. He couldn't tell her… he couldn't name her the reasons why he came back for her, why he had to find her, why he brought her back to Storybrooke. Emma, though, knowing Killian good enough to figure out that modesty wasn't exactly his most distinct trait, sensed that he wasn't fully honest with her. She knew he was still hiding something.

"How did you do it?" she asked, her voice low and filled with curiousity. Even though she had told him that she didn't care about the past year anymore, she still couldn't help but ask. Killian smiled, avoiding her gaze.

"How did you get to me?" she finally added, driving Killian into the corner. He took a deep breath, deciding that it was time to stop running. No trickery, he reminded himself, but this was what _she_ wanted; what she needed. After everything they've been through, he figured, he might as well tell her.

"Well, the curse was coming, I ditched my crew and took the Jolly Roger as fast and as far as I possibly could to outrun it."

"You outran a curse?" She rasied a brow.

"I'm a hell of a captain." Emma laughed; this was the Killian she knew… she liked. Confident and self-assured. Yet, his eyes turned serious again, the instant he continued telling…

_"__And once, I was outside _of the curse's purview_,_ I knew that the walls were down. Transport between the worlds was possible again. All I needed was a magic bean."

"Those aren't easy to come by."

Killian pursed his lips, feeling a twitch in his heart while his eyes faced his hand again; his hand that had touched _her_ only a day ago…

"They are if you've got something of value to… trade…" Emma noticed his hesitation in saying that last word and it seemed to amuse her, expecting some meaningless treasure he had to give away.

"And what was that?" she teased him. Killian lifted his head up again, his smile trying to hide the pain behind a mask of triumph.

"Well, the Jolly Roger, of course."

Emma's mouth gapped, her eyes widened in shock. This was it, she thought, this was his secret, this was why he refused to tell her, this was why he spent his days at the docks, nostalgically watching the horizon, hopelessly waiting for his ship… Nobody had ever done something comparable for her, she simply couldn't grasp the greatness of this sacrifice.

"You traded your _ship_ for me?" The second Emma asked the one question he had avoided to answer since the day he had made her remember again, the mask shattered from his face like porcelain kissing the marble floor. Killian's eyes reflected sorrow and grief, his brows furrowed in deep distress while his throat felt dry and husky, only able to form a single yet sincere word.

"Aye," he nodded, the expression on his face telling her, this was how much he loved her.

Emma being in a total awe of this man's sacrifice. still couldn't believe this was real. She couldn't believe someone would ever do something of such significance, of such selflessness for _her_. After all those years in foster care, after her parents, after Neal… someone had actually given up _every_thing for her; someone had found her, brought her back… home... Something deep inside of her chest made her believe that this time, it was real; this time she wouldn't end up alone. She felt the butterflies in her stomach slowly starting to rise, her instincts telling her that he would always find her; he would always come back to her, no matter what. And with that admission, Emma felt how the bricks of her walls slowly but certainly turned into dust, instantly making her heart feel lighter; winged, almost. Finally allowing herself to accept her feelings, Emma leaned forward, gently reaching for his lips. Seeing Emma getting closer to him, Killian's body followed her actions unconsciously, while his mind was nothing but overwhelmed, not able to comprehend what was happening. Instinctively his hand reached for her head, his eyes shut and his parted lips welcoming the eagerly awaited touch of her hot mouth that made his heart skip a beat or two, his blood standing still in his veins. But it wasn't until he smelled the scent of her skin, felt the heat of her cheeks, caressed the silk of her hair that he finally realized that this wasn't just another one of his daily dreams. This was reality and being alive had never felt as good as right in that second, right at that place. He squeezed his eyes even tighter with the realization of the moment, inhaling her once again. Their tongues consumed eachother with passion, yet the touch of their lips was tender and soft. Time stood still and nothing mattered; nothing but them. Their movements were synchronized like the dancing flames of a fireside, like the swaying wheat in the wind. Just as a few hours before, they were waltzing again, holding on tight to their partner, following their lead; never wanting to stop. It was the first time in ages that Emma's mind went quiet, yet Killian still couldn't understand what this meant. When he finally parted his lips from hers to catch his breath, his thumb gently stroking the dimple on her chin while his fingers kept playing with her golden hair, Emma felt like awakening from a beautiful dream. When she found his eyes, looking straight into them as if she was searching for his soul, she smiled, finally realizing how right all of this felt and that maybe she could have what she always wanted. While he tried to read the depths of her jade glance it was seeing the rise of the corners of her lips that made Killian feel a great relief in his chest. He mirrored her smile, their foreheads and the tips of their noses lightly touching eachother. It finally happened, she finally let him in, he thought, she finally saw him for the man he had become again. His sacrifice wasn't in vain; it would never be. And with his next breath he couldn't help but stare at her pink, softly parted lips, inviting him for another kiss. Another one of many to come...


End file.
